The church is the place God intended for us for healthy supportive relationships. He calls us to come in relational vulnerability and humility, to receive healing, love, grace, accountability and encouragement, which is grounded in truth. It is vital that when the hurting people come, the church be prepared to respond appropriately.

Unfortunately, people often find more pain when they come to their churches and reach out in agony for help. They find themselves disciplined with no plan for restoration, they find their name and reputation slandered through gossip camouflaged as prayer requests, find themselves blamed for their own victimization, told to pray about it, have more faith, etc. Larry Crabb (1999) writes that when we cry out in pain, the nature of our spiritual community is revealed. He states that what the church needs and what we need as church members and Christians is a safe place for weary pilgrims. It is time to put political campaigns, ego-driven agendas and building programs and church activities on the back burner. We need to dive into the unmanageable, messy world of relationships, admit our failure, identify our tensions, and explore our shortcomings. We need to become the answer to our Lord's prayer, that we become one the way He and the Father are one (p.19). He goes on to say that only a certain kind of community can cut through our commitment to safety from people and allow us to enjoy safety with people (page 29).

Being that place of safety with people is not an easy accomplishment for any church. But it is vital that, if a church wants to become that safe place for people to come forward with life's struggles and personal failings, safety must be a priority that is intentionally built into the fabric of the church. Here are some areas that any church should evaluate prior to taking on the task of reaching out to victims and those who are struggling with sin, sexual or not.

Use the following questions to dialogue and assess the perception of your church leadership and laity of sexual sin within your local congregation. These will help you assess how safe your church is for those who struggle.

How do we protect our members' confidentiality when they come forward with a need or confess a sin and ask for help? What are the potential areas where this confidentiality might be breached inappropriately? Are confidential notes locked away safely? How have confidential matters been handled in the past? From the congregational members perspective, do they fear exposure rather than protection from leadership about their struggle(s)?

How emotionally and spiritually vulnerable are the up-front leaders? Do church members see the leaders as being real people on the same spiritual journey to maturity? Or do they present an aura of being spiritually together at all times?

How is sin talked about up-front? Has your church tradition been to talk about sin from the pulpit? Is it always mentioned in terms of something they do out there among the unsaved, or is it talked about in terms of a part of our nature and journey- normalized as part of our spiritual growth? Historically, how have the leaders/ministers responded to exposed sin (i.e. adultery, homosexuality, teen pregnancy)? What has the congregation's response been?

What does the church do when a leader falls? Is there a plan for discipline that includes a planned process of restoration? (Do we shoot our wounded leaders?) Traditionally, what has been the attitude/response of the leaders and congregation when a church leader outside of the local congregation has fallen? If this happened within your congregation, was more emphasis placed upon discipline or condemnation? Was a plan executed to assist in restoration should repentance occur?

Does the church wink at some sin and magnify other forms of sin?

Do the church's small groups share on a surface level, or is there real intent to grow in relationship and vulnerability within the body of Christ?

Establishing a value of the church becoming a refuge of safety (safety does not mean ignoring or minimizing sin!) will enhance the likelihood that your church members will risk and come forward for help when invited to do so.

If its members perceive the church as a place where confidentiality is not respected, and where there are gradient levels of sin (minimized or magnified), the probability that someone will be willing to risk exposure decreases. However, even if it has not arrived at the place of being consistently a safe place, the church can still fulfill its obligation by beginning the process of increasing awareness to the harm of pornography and its victimization, as well as confidentiality and sensitivity to each other's struggles.

The Church is being challenged to find ways it can understand the impact of pornography and sexual sin, protect the innocent, and assist in repairing broken lives.

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